Saturday, January 29, 2011

The Power of Christ Compels You!!!

People either love or hate scary movies. I love them. I'm not talking about the gore-fests where a self absorbed prosti-tot meets the business end of machete by a psycho who never worked out his "mommy issues." I'm talking about the movies that leave you jittery as you walk out of the theater, cause you to pray to Jesus as you drive home vowing to attend church on a regular basis, and falling to sleep only if every light in the house is on and there is a crucifix somewhere in the vicinity of your bed.

Unfortunately, there have been more mediocre and bad movies than good ones. During a particularly horrible movie called "The Unborn" I nearly got thrown out of the movie for "booing." Yet hope springs eternal so I keep going. This week, I wasn't disappointed. I went to go see "The Rite." It deals with the subject of demon possession, a subject that scares the hell out of me. Honestly, if my children were possessed by a demon, I would tie them up and drop them off at the nearest Catholic Church. I'm not a Catholic but let's face it, they have the best track record. What makes this movie all the scarier **spoiler alert** is the fact that it is a seasoned Catholic exorcist that gets possessed. Needless to say, this one met all my criteria but if you're terrified of glandular, machete-weilding freaks you probably aren't going to like it as much as Halloween V. Seriously though, Anthony hasn't been that creepy since the Silence of the Lambs. You should see it, the power of Christ compels you.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Somebody peed in my snow

Every once in a while, my life takes a turn for the weird. Today was one of those days. I was standing outside taking a break from writing an engrossing paper on the role that performance evaluations play in the role of discrimination lawsuits. I looked to the left and I noticied that someone (this was definitely human and not animal) had come over to my house, pissed in my snow and then vacated the premesis.

At first, I was a little put out. The whole yard looks beautiful except for that one disgusting spot. Then I was aggravated, there was no way to cover it up and it was only going to get colder. I was going to have someone's frozen piss on my property until the snow melted. In the end, I had to laugh. It's too bizarre. Someone had to pull out their junk in 7 degree weather, unload, which had to be difficult considering that shrinkage plays a major part in that kind of cold, freeze their little pecker off while they peed on my snow and then run off. Weird.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

People are crazy

Is it just me or is the world getting crazier?

I used to fear that the world was dumbing down so fast that soon, the population of the world would be working on an intelligence deficit. I think we have surpassed that and we are now at a point where a good portion of the population may be insane.

My definition of crazy is broad. There is mildly crazy, like people who obsessively collect figurines of elephants in clown makeup. There's moderately crazy like the people who get irrationally angry when anyone disagrees with their point of view. This group is alarmingly large. You see them in the bars screaming down anyone who doesn't think that "Mad Men" is the best show on television. There's Keith Olbermann, who I could picture screaming "Do you know who I AM?!?!?" at fellow passengers on the subway. Slightly above that are the schizophrenics who fling poo at random strangers after making a visit to the local methadone clinic. The thing that bothers me is that this group seems to be growing. My statistics (a random poll given to a small number of close friends) tell me 60 percent of the population is insane to some degree. It looks like this:

I bet I'm right.

Want proof? Click here